掲示板
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2013年08月07日 16:49:36 No.850 無題投稿者 : Goklooxq |
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One morning I woke up panicked, thinking 鈥渨hat am I doing with my life and how did I get here鈥? When did the clock rollover into my 50s and when am I going to actually live the life I want? As I typically do in moments of morning panic, I pulled the covers up a little tighter and tried really hard to think of anything else. When that fails I pick up a pen and journal until I have some insight. Suddenly out of the tip of my pen came the admonition to stop just dreaming about your life and start living it. So I got dressed and went to work. At lunch, I pulled my journal out, only to have it fall open to the page where I wrote the morning admonishment down and it clicked. My old pattern of behavior was to think my thoughts, draw my vision board, say my affirmations, read more books and then to get up and repeat the patterns of my life without a second thought. I guess I thought some white knight was going to rush in and say 鈥渉op on Kathy so I can rush you to that desired life鈥? This was a romantic notion but one that left me dependent in a holding pattern. I let go of the yearning for someone else to give me direction or if I am more honest, for someone else to give me permission to be happy. In reality I had a reasonably secure position with benefits, wonderful co-workers and a supportive administration. I loved the children I worked with but knew that it was time to move on, to serve in a different way even though no reasonable adult would pick this economy to launch an entrepreneurial venture and yet that is exactly what I did. |